It has struck me in the last couple of days that in times of hardship my eyes are inevitably drawn to seeing what they don't want to see. In the first year we were together the Boy and I had some difficulties and we stopped seeing each other for about a month - one of the hardest times of my life looking back. During that time all I saw everywhere were couples, people falling in love, my friends settling down and a plethora of engagement and wedding announcements. It seemed like no one was on their own apart from me. Once we happily resolved our problems and became the unbreakable unit we are today, those images faded into the background and into obscurity.
The same thing is happening now. Everywhere I look, whenever I look I see babies. At the hospital my eyes roved over the people waiting for the lift to rest on the pregnant woman - as if I was deliberately seeking her out to torture myself. When the television is on, the adverts for baby clothes or formula jump out of the television and seem to shake me by the shoulders. Walking around where we live it's as if the young mothers nursing their children have huge red flashing arrows above them, pointing down on them, so I can't miss them and my attention is drawn to them. I can't look away. Logging onto social networking sites my senses are flooded with pictures of new babies and parents beaming with happiness at their new arrivals.
I know it's just life, and these images are always there - they're no more now than they've ever been, it's just my situation and perspective that has changed. I'm raw and wounded, and it won't take much to remind me of our loss in the early stages. I'm sure it will fade in time and my eyes will see the world in a more balanced way again. I hope so.