Sunday 1 May 2011

"It's all for the best"

The Boy and I have received a tremendous level of love and support from our friends and family since Tuesday. I've been really touched by how loving and kind some of our friends have been - and of course our immediate families have been outstanding. But amongst this happiness I have found one phrase quite difficult to swallow, when people have said "perhaps it's all for the best".

I understand that this comment comes from genuine concern and a real desire to help us feel better, and to encourage us to see the situation in a positive light. I certainly agree that as the low hormone in the blood tests indicated that all might not be well with the baby, the Boy and I may have been spared some impossible decisions further down the line. But I find the phrase difficult to swallow this soon after the loss - and I will guard my words to any friends unfortunate to find themselves in similar positions in future.

The Boy and I are being positive and we are strong people who will survive this, but it's too soon for this kind of logic - this was a baby that was planned, dearly wanted, and loved so much in the 13 weeks it was here, that for it suddenly to be lost to us cannot be taken as "for the best" yet.

Perhaps in time, perhaps. But I can't yet feel that for the Boy and I to lose this child, not to meet it, not to hold it, not to love it, not to see it develop - no, that certainly doesn't feel like "for the best" to me just now.

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