Wednesday 17 August 2011

Baby bucket list

I did a pregnancy test on a whim when I got up this morning. For the last week or so I'd been feeling like I was pregnant. It's a bit early to do one, as my lady isn't due until next week, but I had one of those early detection tests in the bathroom cabinet so I thought 'what the heck'. It came back negative, so I am pretty sure that there are no Beans babies to report this month - and although it's always possible it was too early to test, I'm not getting my hopes up.

I was of course a little disappointed, but noticeably less so than I have been in the past, and my first reaction was 'hey ho, we'll try again and that means I can have a drink over the weekend'. Shallow, moi?! It made me think about the things I enjoy doing now, that I probably won't be able to do if I'm pregnant. So, to console myself, here is my top 10 baby (pregnancy?) bucket list...

1. Sleep in. Well, maybe this should be just get sleep in general, but at the moment I can (mostly) get up when I want - especially at weekends. I know this is a big luxury! When I was pregnant with baby Beans and I was super tired, I was going to bed quite early but I could never sleep beyond about 5am. I'm led to believe from family and friends that kind of sets the pattern for the next 18 years... So, the next few weekends I plan to make the most of this and make sure I don't even get out of bed until midday! We'll see how that goes...

2. Eat seafood. One of my favourite foods in the world is prawns. I love seafood in general, but could probably eat prawns for every meal, every day. I naughtily had them a few times when I was pregnant, but then felt a little guilty afterwards. Now I can indulge with a clear conscience. So, pass me the marie rose sauce.

3. Enjoy a glass of wine with the girls. I love having a good old gossip with my girls and setting the world to rights with a few nice cold glasses of white, or warming glasses of red. I still went out with my friends when I was pregnant, but I found by about 9.30pm the level of conversation had really deteriorated, ladies were slurring their words, and points were being repeated. Funny how I never noticed that when I wasn't abstaining ;-)

4. Buy a new dress. I am a shopoholic. There, I said it! Well, more accurately - I am a dressoholic. Clearing out my wardrobe to sell some bits on ebay over the weekend I lost count of how many beautiful dresses I had bursting out of my wardrobe. Some girls are joggers and trainers girls, some are jeans fiends, some love their slacks - but me, give me a dress any day of the week! For now, I can enjoy buying, choosing and wearing any dress I like - I don't need to worry about increasing bump size, or easy access to the boobage... although of course the Boy may disagree on that point ;-)

5. Take risks. I was so careful when I was pregnant not to do anything that might upset me or the baby, or lead to any accidents or harm. Not that now I suddenly plan to start jumping out of aeroplanes or leaping in front of trains... but I can do more energetic or slightly dangerous activities without worrying about the consequences. When we were in Santorini, one of my favourite times was when we went round the island on quad bikes, I would absolutely not have done that if I'd been pregnant - so perhaps I can seize the day in Sardinia as well.

6. Buy a new swimsuit. Thinking about Sardinia, I think it's time to buy some new swimwear. I'm a curvy lady at the best of times, so if/when I am lucky enough to fall pregnant I dread to think how much I will expand. I still haven't lost the few pounds I put on in those 13 weeks when I was pregnant with baby Beans! So - for this holiday I am going to buy a lovely swimsuit that will show off my assets and hide my sins, and enjoy choosing from a full range, not just the maternity section!

7. Go for cocktails with the Boy. I love the Boy. I love cocktails. You do the maths. This combination makes me very happy and we don't do it often enough. Over the bank holiday weekend we have a few little dates together planned, and one of them will be me (in one of my lovely dresses - see point 4!) and the Boy and a decadence of cocktails. There's a funky bar near us that does great cocktails, and I want to have at least three!

8. Enjoy the cinema every week. The Boy and I are members of a cinema loyalty club, where we pay a set fee every month and can go to any cinema in said cinema group and see as many films as we like. When we first signed up we were going at least once, if not twice a week. Over the summer it's slipped to a couple of times a month. Now I want to make the most of not having a huge bump and pressed bladder, and enjoy sitting through a variety of films, holding hands with my Mr, and enjoying the best offerings from Bollywood to Hollywood.

9. Always have painted toe-nails. I don't have the best feet in the world. My mum was right all those years ago, and stuffing my poor trotters into unforgiving stilettos hasn't left them in the best shape. But - like most things - they look better with a lick of paint. I love giving myself a pedicure on a Sunday night, shaping my nails and painting them pinks, corals and reds. I'm going to take even more enjoyment in that while I don't have to fight with a bump to see my feet - although my gut is starting to give me a run for my money on that front...

10. Fantastise about what it would be like to be a mum. Right now I can dream about what it would be like for me and the Boy to have a baby Beans. And you can't bet your bottom dollar that when I drift off into these fantasies it's not the soiled nappies and sick that I think about. Yes, I know they exist - and that they're a huge part of it all - but this is my fantasy so leave me alone. I picture me and the Boy with our little child, doing things together - a picnic by the river, a walk through the park, bringing our baby to work to meet our friends and colleagues, and taking them home to the countryside at the weekends to spend time with their grandparents. I picture the first smile, the first time they can sit up, the first step, the first words... and it's all like a beautiful soft-focus film. I know that's about as far from the reality as the experience will be for us, so for now I'll indulge in my naive dreams - and hopefully they'll come crashing down into real life soon.

So there it is, my pregnancy / baby bucket list. It doesn't take away the desire for me and he to become us three, but it makes me smile and reminds me again that there is a lot of contentment in the present and a lot of fun and love to be had while we wait in hope that the stork flies over Empire Towers sometime soon.

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