Thursday 14 July 2011

Ignorance is bliss

Recently I've read a couple of articles in some of the more salubrious red tops (I'll get my apologies in quickly and tell you I have to read them for work!) about women who don't realise or find out that they're pregnant until the very latter stages of their pregnancies - or even in some cases until they give birth.

I find this quite incredible - and I am almost envious of their experiences. Since the Boy and I started trying for a family - and through my shortened-pregnancy - I've been so aware of my body and how I feel; when I'm hot, when I'm tired, when I'm nauseous... I imagine finding out very late in the pregnancy must be a great shock, but it must also alleviate some of the anxiety and concern that I have experienced, and am beginning to experience again.

Now that we've started all over again and I'm in that post-ovulation and pre-lady period, I find myself checking in with my body on a daily basis. What symptoms do I have? And what do they mean? Could I be pregnant? Could the Boy and I be lucky again? Will it be this month? Will it take longer? Will it be healthy... These little questions pipe up in the back of my head throughout the day, and I'm becoming quite deft at batting them away - but they are often there.

Right now I'm wondering if it might be this month that we get some good news. I feel a little disappointed that I don't have any of the symptoms I had last time, and I don't think I am because even though I know every pregnancy is unique I don't feel any different really - I'm tired and a bit more emotional than normal, but I associate that with the bouts of insomnia and nightmares that have been alternating in my sleep pattern in recent weeks. Last time something was different - I couldn't quite put my finger on it but I had my strong suspicions.

So I'm wishing away the next week or so until I think my lady is due (it's all been a bit knocked out of sync with the miscarriage) as the not knowing is so hard... I say that - sometimes - ignorance is bliss!

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