So - today I am a very happy Elly Beans! We had our anomaly scan at St Thomas's Hospital this morning to check that the baby is developing as it should be. I have been trying to be brave over the last few days (who am I kidding, weeks!) but I have not been able to shake an anxiety that something might be wrong with our baby. However today I was happy to be disproved - all is well and good and we have every reason to anticipate that we will be a little family in September!
I got off to sleep fairly well last night after a good first session at an antenatal yoga class in Wilds Rents, near where I live. I found the class really relaxing and the Boy commented that I was the most laid back he had seen me in a long time when I arrived home. But that didn't last through the night and I was awake at 3.30am this morning mulling over the day that lay ahead.
I felt physically sick when we entered the hospital - as lovely as all the staff have been, the hospital holds such sad memories for me that I don't feel entirely comfortable with being there. I hope this will pass in time - but we will see, and this was my last scheduled appointment there so I may be spared having to walk through its doors again. My heart was pounding as my name was called and I was so frightened about what lay ahead I had to cover my eyes with my hands when the (very understanding) sonographer began the scan. She was very sweet though, and pointed out the heartbeat straight away, and gave me lots of reassurance as she went through the checks and measurements.
Baby was much more relaxed than Mum, thankfully - it was lying across my stomach with one arm tucked under its head having a small snooze! Thank goodness one of us was chilled out. We weren't able to get all the measurements straight away so I had to go for a walk and drink some cold water, and then luckily baby decided to stop playing hide and seek and turned around for us to finish all the checks - and the great news was that everything was completely NORMAL!
Normal... something I rather snobbishly hate to be. But for today, well - I have never been so happy to be average, normal, boring and bog standard. When you've been on the other side, there is something very welcoming about the mundane.
We were also able to discover the sex of the baby which was very emotional for the Boy and I. For now we've decided to keep it to ourselves - this pregnancy is amazing but has been a roller coaster for me, and it feels right to hold something back just for us. We'll see if we manage it for the remaining four months though - we both have rather large mouths, shall we say! But here's a little pic of baby for you to enjoy - check the button nose! I love this baby so much already I can't imagine what it will be like when it actually arrives - as now I finally believe it will!