I do the odd mystery shop assignment here and there to bring in a few extra spends, and I had one to do in Accessorize on Regent Street at lunchtime. I had a good nose round and checked everything I needed to, and was about the head back to the office when, on a whim, I strolled into the Mamas and Papas shop next door.
Big mistake! Everything in the shop was so beautiful. Lovely clothing for babies and beautiful toys and soft, furry animals that were like silk to the touch. It felt like being in Aladdin's cave. I haven't been in any baby shops - purposefully - since we found out we were pregnant. I haven't wanted to tempt fate in any way and I've been trying not to think too much about the fact I'm actually pregnant in case anything goes wrong...
I have a bit of cracked sense of logic at the best of times, and I am always quick to think the negative rather than the positive. When anything good happens, I view it with suspicion. My instinct is if something sounds too good to be true it usually is. With the pregnancy, it feels too good to be true that I have got pregnant this quickly and this easily. I have difficulty believing good things can happen to me - perversely I have no such trouble thinking bad things can!
I felt really excited looking at the clothes and toys in the shop, and ended up in there for quite a while picking up lots of bits and feeling their textures. It all got a bit overwhelming and from nowhere I suddenly felt like I was going to cry in the shop! I had to make a quick exit and couldn't catch the security guard's eye as he said goodbye when I fled from the shop.
It really seems too much to take in that I get such a wonderful relationship with the Boy, and we get to be parents too. The level of happiness I have in my life and feel in my heart at the moment surpasses anything I anticipated I could experience in life.