Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying...

The Boy and I bought our first pregnancy test last night which feels exciting! We met for a pre-cinema drink after work, and got into a very long and impromptu conversation about pregnancy. We had a very thorough chat about our feelings about starting a family - I was surprised but also really touched to hear his disappointment at the arrival of my last period had mirrored my own.

I had assumed that having a baby and being a mum is more my desire, and somehow because I'm a woman and because it's happening to my body I'll have the stronger feelings about this. But I was very touched as the Boy opened up about his disappointment we hadn't managed to conceive this time round, and his desires for us to take pregnancy tests regularly so we don't have to wait until my period - or my 'lady' as I've always called it! - arrives each month. We talked about the options of having a fertility test in the near future, and in the long-term if we're not successful we're both very drawn to adoption. More on that another time.

I'm pretty sure I won't be pregnant this month. We've only just started really trying to get pregnant, and matching up dates with our desires! I know from friends, and bits and pieces I've read online and in magazines that conception normally doesn't happen overnight. That was a bit of a shock when I first found that out - patience isn't exactly a quality I possess in abundance - but I'm encouraged to read that 95 per cent of couples trying for a baby fall pregnant within a year. I have everything crossed - except my legs! - that we're in this category.

I can't quite believe I've got to 33 without ever taking a pregnancy test. I was always so scared of getting pregnant in my late teens, early twenties... until now, that I have been rigorous in my approach to birth control. I've never even had a pregnancy scare, which I was quite proud of - although now that makes me wonder a bit. I feel butterflies at the thought of doing the test. While I know in my head it's very unlikely to be positive, I know that in my heart I really want it to be. And I imagine that desire will increase as the months pass.

My 'lady' is due on the 17 February, which is, by a funny twist of fate, our four year anniversary. So on Sunday I can take the test, my first pregnancy test! I'm pretty sure it won't be my last...