Sunday 20 February 2011

Maybe baby...

I'm so excited as I write this - so please forgive any overuse of the exclamation mark in the next few lines! After an anxious day yesterday of wondering the Boy and I decided to do another test this morning. We both had a sleepless night and were awake early with anticipation - whatever the result both of us wanted to know one way or the other, the uncertainty has been one of the most tricky bits to deal with. And the test said I was pregnant! I think the odds of getting two 'false positive' results must be pretty small, so... it looks like me and the Boy are on the way to having a baby! I am so happy!!

I had really made myself be aware of how difficult it can be to conceive, especially at my age and having not led the most healthy of lifestyles. I was prepared for it to take months, even years - but here we are, the first month we've properly tried, and we're already a step closer to our dreams. It feels unbelievable.

But I'm trying to stay grounded and bring myself back down to Cloud 8. There's still a long way to go, and the literature I've consumed in the last few months has made me aware how important this first trimester is. We've no idea if this little baby - if I can even really think of it as that - will be well enough and healthy enough to stay with me and the Boy for these first 12 weeks. We dearly hope so, but miscarriage is a sad fact of life, and one from which me and the Boy are most definitely not immune.

So - it's about little steps. We're taking in one enjoyable moment at a time, I think you have to. I've got an appointment with my doctor in a week's time, so that's the next tentative step on our road to becoming parents. For now, the Boy and I can just enjoy our little secret, that we've made a new life together. And that's probably the best anniversary present either of us could ever have wanted.

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