Wednesday 21 September 2011

Not this time

I woke up early this morning and found to my surprise that my lady has arrived - four days early! I hadn't even had time to wonder whether I might be pregnant this month. I almost feel cheated for not being able to wonder whether every normal sign that my period was on the way was potentially a symptom of pregnancy... not that I do that, of course...

Once again I am of course a little disappointed, but it doesn't feel like as big a deal as I would have expected - which I am surprised about. I thought after the miscarriage only another pregnancy could heal the ache inside of me, but I know now that I was wrong.

The baby we lost was unique and we won't ever forget or replace. If we are to fall pregnant again that will be a completely different pregnancy and a completely different baby. I think accepting that has meant I don't feel in a rush for our circumstances to change. In fact today, I just thought: 'well, it wasn't meant to be this time, better luck next time, and I can enjoy a few guilt-free glasses of wine with the Boy in Sardinia next week'. I surprise myself I am so seemingly relaxed - long may it continue!

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