Towards the end of last year we'd got into the habit of drinking alcohol most days - mostly out with friends or work colleagues - but also splitting a bottle of wine with dinner in the evening, so at first it felt a little strange not to have a drink. But I can honestly say now that we're not missing it at all. When we walked into work this morning (a three mile journey so good exercise) the Boy was saying how pleased he was to be doing dry January with me - I did it last year while he just cut back - and how much more alert he felt and how much more energy he had.
I feel just the same, and I was thrilled to find when I weighed myself on Saturday that I have already lost five pounds - although there are plenty more to go where that came from! I've always been a curvy girl, but have generally hovered around the size 12/14 mark since my late teens. After the miscarriage, I lost interest in many things including exercise and healthy eating. I was aware the pounds were creeping on and all my waistbands were getting tighter - I even bought a couple of bits in a size 16 - but I didn't care enough to do anything about it or put a stop to it.
Now that's changed and I care a lot about my health and well-being again. I'm worth it. I wonder if perhaps this means I have forgiven myself for what happened. I know and believe now that the miscarriage was completely not my fault, but I think subconsciously a woman can wrongly blame herself and feel guilt, even though it is unjustified. Perhaps I was treating myself unkindly and putting 'junk in my trunk' as some kind of warped punishment. I don't know - but I do know that moment has passed, and now I want to be the best that I can be again. For myself and for the Boy. And he feels the same. We're both really committed to this and I hope than rather than a 'detox' or 'diet' this can just become a more well-rounded lifestyle for us both.
Tomorrow I am biting the bullet and going back to Weightwatchers. I did this a long time ago, in my early 20s when I finished university, and I found then that with a bit of discipline and willpower the diet worked for me. I have dipped in and out of it over the last decade and whenever I have taken it seriously, it has been effective. And I hope it will be again - as I certainly feel that for once I am in the right frame of mind to get my head down and get on with this. By my reckoning there's at least a stone still to shift, probably more, so I'm in this for the longhaul. Wish me luck!