Thursday 11 October 2012
Today is my first day with Lucy without the Boy. We have been very blessed to have him with us 24 / 7 the last three weeks which has been amazing. While it's been an exhausting and at times difficult few weeks, being together has made everything so much easier - two pairs of hands have certainly been better than one where little lady has been concerned! It's been like a long holiday and I must confess to feeling a certain amount of trepidation about going solo today. It does feel like I have a little case of the post-holiday blues, you know when you've come back from this most amazing trip and then real life kicks in again and the little bubble you've been in has burst. But this time my reality is Lucy and she is a complete delight (most of the time!) so I'm hoping I'll start to feel a bit calmer and more settled all the time as the hours and days go by, and that I can really start believing in myself as a Mum.
I know I will get more confident as each day passes and the first day without the Boy was always going to be a bit tricky - even when I've been looking after Lucy, he has been in the background offering support, reassurance and advice. When my instinct has been to do something for her, he has encouraged me. When things have been going less well, he's stepped in to try and soothe our lovely girl and offer a calming presence. Now it feels a bit scary trusting myself alone in the day times. I just hope I can get it right and be a good Mum. It is a big learning curve for me and Lucy! Hopefully she will be patient with me - and hopefully, probably key to all this, I can be gentle on myself and not worry too much.
Lucy was a bit grizzly after the Boy left today - we had an hour of unsettled sleep and a few tears and grumblings. But since then she's had a good feed, a bit of a cuddle and play with me, and she's now been asleep for nearly an hour and a half... I should probably be napping too, but I feel a bit anxious today as it all seems a bit new. Am far too wired to sleep! I hope as the days go by I can relax more and make the most of these quiet moments to do nothing and put my feet up! I'll keep you posted!