Wednesday 23 November 2011


We had some really good news yesterday that my cousin's wife Cathy is 14 weeks pregnant. Hand on heart, I am absolutely thrilled for them both. I'm starting to find news of people's pregnancies much, much easier and I am able to be happy and excited for my friends and family. I really hope that this means I am working through my loss and grief well, and that life is beginning to regain some level of normality.

Cathy is a fantastic person and her level of commitment to her family inspires me. She had a difficult upbringing and I don't think her life was filled with enough happy times until she met my cousin. They fell in love quickly and married young, but they are a strong team and I fully anticipate they will last the distance.

They had their first little girl five years ago, and she is an absolute beauty and a real credit to them - she shares my name so perhaps I am more than a little bit biased! Since then they have desperately longed to add to their family but Cathy has experienced, on several painful occasions, the horrors of ectopic pregnancies. I can't imagine how difficult each of these losses has been for Cathy, but she has continued to pick herself up, dust herself down, and manage to be a brilliant mum to her little girl while laying herself open to the whim of Mother Nature again and again.

I don't know her well - I wish I knew her better - but Cathy was a fantastic support to me when we lost baby Beans. We only have contact through Facebook and I don't see her more than once a year, but she somehow knew just what to say and when a message of support would have been helpful. And in a long note to me on Facebook today she's helped me understand that while sometimes it can take a lot longer than you expect to become a Mum, every step on the journey towards it is worth it. She's given me hope that the Boy and I might get there one day, and I thank her so much for that.

My uncle died  rather unexpectedly at the beginning of this year which has been very hard for my cousin, Cathy, and his two brothers - all some years younger than me - and his family. It seems fitting to me that what has been a terrifically tough year for all of them is now framed with a happier ending. I really hope the next six months pass well for them all, and we can welcome a long-awaited and much hoped for new addition to the clan in May.

And also yesterday our friends Tamara and Jon had their baby. They fell pregnant just a few weeks after us and at times I have found it difficult to think about their pregnancy objectively, my thoughts clouded by my loss and grief. But we heard the news that they had a little boy yesterday morning - and my first honest gut reaction was joy for them. This makes me feel good - and feel hopeful not only that our circumstances may change in time, but also that I can experience more happiness in my life again.


  1. It is so good to read this. So happy you are finding happiness and hope again and have people in your life who bring you that.

  2. Thanks Siobhan - it seems to have been a long year, but it's ending with me being reminded how much we have and that it is ok to be happy again x